Sadie Hawkins dance, in my kaki pants.
The Hour Glass
It was as if I were watching through, an hour glass that mirrored the lives of two
I watched them live as my life froze, through the swirling sands of time that blew
So herein lies a tale so sad, the heartbreak of a romance gone bad
of love fully given with no return, of grace without knowing what she had
He loved her from the day they met, in his heart her image was burned and set
He loved her more than life itself, it was this love she just didn’t get
At first I saw no beauty in the lady, her appearance was cold, dim and shady
lips that never split to smile, her shoulders slumped and heart so jadey
In her face there came a change, she seamed so lovely, no so strange
I wondered at this gift he gave, why he chose her in such derange
In time she grew to love him back, but the love he gave she seemed to lack
seeking only what she could gain, her heart was cool and traced with black
He never really seamed to care, He sat, talked, laughed with her there
she tied to earn love freely given, but trying turned time into air
Then appeared in my hour glass, the lord of sheoul, with his ladies at mass
He cared not but for himself, he was brilliant and dashing and rather crass
The ladies followed as if he mattered, no thought to the lives that shattered
I saw the lady leave the man, he called but was drowned by all that clattered
He ran after her, he loved her so, grabbed her by the waist and arm, but no
She screamed and fought against her love, she said she didn’t want to stay but go
He told her that he loved her still, she looked at him with darts to kill
And she ran away from her true love, he waited for her return until
One day he had a message come your love’s in trouble, although having fun
Death is close but she does not see, that she will die and it will be done
She will belong to the collector of souls, she has no chance to escape these tolls
If you want to see her once more, go to the city square of sheouls
He left his fine and lordly place, of comfort and his much deserved grace
Journeyed through the lands of dark, he left is all without a trace
People mocked him as he came, disguised as a peasant, one so plain
He heard the tales of his loves sin, but still his heart remained the same
He journey then was at an end, the sign read sheoul and only moments would spend
His mission was clear, he knew the laws well, but he knew a way to make them bend
He walked into the village square, and took in all the horrors there
His love stood in the judgement seat, her soul to be sold and death would stare
No need for a trail to be held, the jury agreed, guilty as said
Her fun was over, but out of her eye, she saw her love and filled with dread
‘here to watch me suffer and die’ she said to herself, ‘but I will not cry’
her heart in pieces in his hands, the tears fell even though she did try
His actions then surprised me still, I watched Him walk up the hill
He spoke with words commanding calm, ‘I’m here to save, there will be no kill’
The crowd laughed at this display, ‘no one saves on any day’
Her crimes had been fully done, not backing down he did stay
‘who is he? This peasant, nothing, and he thinks to do something?’
but the prince of sheoul, he knew better, the death of this man meant he could sing.
The prince sent his ladies into the crowd, got everyone riled up and loud
The change was made before my eyes, the lady was taken and the dark prince bowed.
They bruised and cut and hurt him deep, blood ran across the earth and seeped
Love shone through his eyes still clear, in his heart her image he would keep
In the town of sheoul at that time, the sky went dark and evil chimed
And in the hour glass I watched, as the man was killed for his lovers crime
He went into deaths black depths, calling to heaven, breathed his last breath
The sky clouded and thunder shook, the crowd so gleeful now bereft
Wanting to look away, but not able, as the lord of sheoul finished at his table
He laughed and triumphed with all his friends, but 3 days past didn’t make things stable
The laws were bent, tried, fulfilled, the earth shook and from it life spilled
And the one who died three days ago, he rose above what he had been killed
To the ladies house he sped, full of love and this he said
‘I love you more then life itself, I do it again if I had to, back to the dead’
the hour glass then grew dim, I could no longer see within
from inside I heard me say, “how can you love someone so grim’
‘how could you die for someone like me, I still won’t love back don’t you see?
I am not worthy of this grace, why didn’t you let me die and be?’
He held her close in grace that day, ‘I’ll not let you far stray
I’ll walk with you and this I say, I loved you then, before the clay.
Here’s another passage of scripture that has come to mind a hundred times over the last few weeks, another passage that I memorized as a kids and heard at weddings but never really impacted my life in any significant way.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a; Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, beleives all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (ESV).
Words that need no explanation, give no excuse, require no interpretation.
I was telling my mom this story the other day while we were driving to Simcoe and decided it was one that the rest of the world (all 3 people reading my blog) needed to hear.
It took me a long time for me to get my drivers licence (and as it stands I still only have my G2 and not my full G licence). I had to drive to London for training for work, and this would be the first drive on the highway by myself. To get where I was going in London I had to merge onto the 401! I came up over the overpass and looked down into what seamed an impossible situation. Traffic was bumper to bumper, mostly trucks and some cars, both lanes just packed in. There wasn’t even an opening large enough for me to fit my little PT, even if I could speed up at just the right time. I started to panic and was close to tears. For anyone who knows me, I don’t panic well. I generally close my eyes and put my hand over my face. My only prayer was, “oh God I can’t do this, I can’t do this, make an opening for me cause I’m going to die!” Looking down on the traffic I watched and could almost see the hand that moved everyone to the side. It wasn’t a little opening where one car moved. It was all of them. All at once. For the amount of traffic the size of the opening was unreasonably large. I wish I had been able to video tape it because it was truly the neatest thing I had ever seen. It was amazing that day because I felt like God had saved me from the most traumatic experience of my life. But as days go by and when I feel myself questioning my faith in God I am brought back to that moment. I had no control over those trucks, but He did. If He cares enough to move my transport trucks, how much more does He care about the important things in my life? How much more does He control the things that I can’t when I say “I can’t do this, I can’t do this.”
It seams like forever since I’ve been able to put any words down on paper. Forever since I’ve been able to muddle through a whirlwind of thoughts, events and emotions. And through all of the things that have been going on in the last few weeks the verses that I have been reminded of fill me heart with hope.
I grew up in a Christian home and attended church since I was a kid. I’ve heard the same set of verses so many times that the repetition has held little meaning in my own life. The Beatitudes for one, I mean how many times did we hear them and go, “yes yes I’ll be meek and a peacemaker blah blah blah” and then when you actually need them, when your soul cries for comfort, it’s right there,
Matthew 5:2-9, “And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
It seamed to answer so many questions, so many issues all at once. The commandments to mourn and to be meek and to be merciful were no longer commandments, they were no longer things that I had to do as a Christian, instead they were words of comfort for all the things that have overwhelmed me for the last few weeks. Comfort when the thirst for righteousness becomes a heavy burden of failure. Comfort when the mourning threatens to make a heart stop beating, when peacemaking hurts more then fighting. Comfort to know that it is right to be merciful.
So many times I have heard these verses and only seen my failings, or seen nothing at all. How these words ring with the promises of Jesus Christ, promises that I cling to now and become sweeter with every tear that falls.
Standing on the promises of Christ my King,
Through eternal ages let His praises ring,
Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,
Standing on the promises of God.
Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,
By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
Standing on the promises of God.
Standing on the promises I now can see
Perfect, present cleansing in the blood for me;
Standing in the liberty where Christ makes free,
Standing on the promises of God.
Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord,
Bound to Him eternally by love’s strong cord,
Overcoming daily with the Spirit’s sword,
Standing on the promises of God.
Standing on the promises I cannot fall,
Listening every moment to the Spirit’s call
Resting in my Savior as my all in all,
Standing on the promises of God.. Kelso Carter, 1849-1926
Today I got a new big sister. I don’t think she reads my blogs but I am soooo excited and wanted to share it with the world. She’s pretty neet. When I was told that “we” should adopt her I immediatly thought of Jane Austins Emma, when the pastors wife yucky lady proposed to Emma that they should adopt Jane Fairfax….lol…I’m actually laughing out loud right now!! Anyways, we wrote up the paper and signed them and everything. It was pretty neat!
I went to my bookshelf tonight to pick out a new book (not like I needed to since I have about 12 on the go right now). I shuffled through all my romance and mystery novels and nothing really appealed to me. I checked out all of the books that I had started and I just wasn’t in the mood. I was reading the titles of all my Piper books (I have a lot!) and I saw Battling Unbelief. I honestly have no idea why I picked it up, and if I had read the back I probably wouldn’t have even started. The book is about battling things in our lives with the promises of God, which we so often don’t believe. The first chapter brought me to tears. Piper talks about battling anxiety from Matthew 6:25-34:
“Therefor I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you being anxious can add a single hour to his plan of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Therefore do not be anxious, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘what shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
For anyone who knows me I worry about everything. I stress about everything, and as much as it applied totally for my own life it hit me hard for a different reason.
I have the privilege of being friends with one of the most amazing people in the world. She’s so much fun to be around, always thinks of how everyone else feels. She’s people smart and street smart and smart smart. To top it off she’s a perfect 10 blond that has a fantastic sense of style. Nothing stops here from achieving her dreams, and I mean nothing. She was diagnosed with a serious disease when she was in grade 9. She has to deal with tests, blood transfers, surgery, medication, the side effects from medication, and more pain in 1 week then most of us will feel our entire lives. I couldn’t help thinking as I read this that God knows. He knows what she needs for each day.
Piper wrote, “God will see to it that you are not tested in any given day more than you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). He will work for you, so that “as your days, so shall your strength be” (Deuteronomy 33:25). Each day will have no more trouble than you can bear; and every day will have mercies sufficient for that day’s stress (Lamentations 3:22-23). (pg 32)
“Do no think that God is ignorant of your needs. He knows all of them. And he is your “heavenly Father.” He does not look on indifferently, from a distance. He cares. He will act to supply your need when the time is best. (pg 31)
There are so many times where I feel so helpless to do anything to make her feel better. Days where there is nothing that I can say to bring her comfort (mostly because she never tells you how bad it is until she’s having a good day). Days where I wish I could be half the friend that she’s been to me. Listen half as good as she does. Feeling so helpless is what finally drives us to our knees before God. To the first place we should turn but the last place we seam to go. Now it’s not that I haven’t prayed for her through the last few years, but I don’t think I ever really believed the promises that God gives us. And my heart cries out now like it never has before. For God to give her His mercies each day, to not give her more then she can bear. To heal her the way the doctors can’t. To comfort her when friends and family don’t know how. To help her have the faith she needs to make it through the tough days. Today I have been humbled to realize that God knows, and that God cares.